Lobster

Five years ago today, Jon decided out of the blue to make lobster for dinner. When I told him I thought I was in labor (3 1/2 weeks early) he said, "You can't be in labor--I'm making lobster."

Right then that lobster was the ugliest thing I'd ever seen and the last thing on earth I wanted to eat.

Everybody's tired today. We had Aaron's birthday party a week ago, and stuff during the week, and by the time the real birthday came it kind of felt over. We went for a little expedition around the neighborhood with his new strap-on microscope, and then went out bowling, some presents and another cake (a mini one). But the kids were bickering and the grown-ups (that's us) both fell asleep on the floor and the couch around lunchtime like old people.

But when I think back to labor, it was only starting. We still had four hours to go. It was exciting giving birth to Aaron -- fast and action-packed. It was my second time so I was more excited than nervous, and held court in the living room till I really had to go to the hospital, where I just made it up the elevator and into a room and he came shooting out a few minutes later at 10:15 pm.

This morning I woke up bleeding, my body remembering letting go of him. I've felt like I've been about to get my period for the last two weeks and didn't know why but now it makes sense. Five years is definitely a milestone and the final vestiges of toddlerhood -- the size 4T clothing -- is cleared out. I feel it in my body. Everything's always been so physical with him. When he was born, I hardly needed to look at him right away, just hold him to know who he was. (I had dreamed we looked each other right in the eyes weeks before and knew him that way already.) During his bris, I started to cramp up. Before he was born he used to kick me in the same spot in the belly all the time. He reminds me that I live in my body, here on earth.

Next week we are hosting Thanksgiving, and my sister Dana and her husband Adam are driving up from L.A. Jon and Dana decided between them to make a lobster Thanksgiving dinner instead of the traditional turkey (which Dana doesn't eat anyway). It will be the first time in five years they will be cooked in our home and I wonder if I will want to eat one this time.